The Choice.
There was a man
A lonely
Young man
And very tired of he’s everyday life
He wakes up one morning, jumps outta bed and decides this day forward no more will he be
tired,
lonely,
and how is handsome youth was going to waste being alone.
He takes a walk along a pond, taking in the spring air, when he suddenly stops in his track and takes in deeply the smell of a fire.
Shaken by the smell he quickens his pace and sees just past the trees a small house on a seemingly large farm almost engulfed in flames.
He runs up and just as he nears the house he sees on the ground various things tossed about on the ground. Just to the left of him there is a
Brown
Small
Briefcase stuffed with money.
More money then he’s seen in awhile.
As his eyes are fixed on the bag and his hands sweat, the wheels in his head are turning so much that he almost neglects the sound he hears, just above the flames.
A voice
A small screaming voice.
Morals..
Tall
Slim figure
In all black walking the late night streets
What does he seek?
Peeking through the now dim shop windows
Window shopping
He likes nice things
He has big dreams
He’s a planner
A scammer
Oops think we said too much
Whispering in the dark
Talking to himself
He’s tired of being done wrong
He’s gonna take over the world
Planning his revenge
His misfortunes were high
But there’s will be bigger
He sweared
World makes it impossible for those second chancers
We say we care and toss them back into the street
And a dog will do what he has to do to eat
Survival instinct at its peak
He looks to his left across the street
Finding his mark
Silencing the screams
Coming from the dark.
Part I.
Frantically working overtime to complete my project, that I unwilling took the lead on. I began to stress, almost pulling at my hair and then I thought of you. How when I would slowly begin to spiral into a tantrum or some emotional raging rant, you be there and ever so calmly just tell me to “breathe”.
I miss that. I miss you at this very moment. I feel like everything happened such a long time ago, but it’s only been a few weeks. “You are the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. You are very special to me.” His voice echoed in my ear. Well clearly we see how true that was, I said to myself as I’m stood in my bathroom, fighting back tears. Because you left me. You said you never leave me. How silly of me to even repeat that back, even to just me.
Wishing.
The sun is setting
And the sky is turning blue and pink
Stars began to twinkle
In the rising moon
The nights air is breezy and light
The crescent moon shines so bright
Euphoric feeling
Very beautiful night
Wish everyday could be this way
Goodnight.
Part II
Days to weeks. Weeks to months. A very turbulent time for me. A balancing act of normalcy and the slow decline of insanity, I was on the verge of a mental break. Filled with emotions and energy, having too much time on my hands and no where to place all these feelings. I’ve lost him, friends, my outlet all at once and for the first time felt very… alone.
I never thought highly of myself and then one day a switch flip and I became an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. I felt god like. My ego and toxicity always was peaking and no matter what people said I felt superior. HE was that little annoyance I couldn’t shake because I felt my empire had been crush by someone less than, I let him get the better of me.
“You’ll miss me so much that you’ll hate me. You’ll hate yourself, and every man after me you’ll compare him to me, but there only one me”. HE once said to me.
Scoffed. I scoffed. But as I sit alone in my car, two months after the fact, I feel like he still has some control, he said some truth in that statement. And it makes me upset, it makes me angry. “Everyone wants to be different. Everyone wants to be special but their not” this is my saying and I thought myself above that. And even if this rule did apply to me it wasn’t until HIM that this hit me so hard that this broken heart, this dark hole I feel inside will never be filled.
It’s 2am, “Are you awake?” And it’s HIM.
Afternoon Thoughts
“See you later” he says and locks the door behind himself. I sigh, tilt my head back and close my eyes. “Take deep breaths” I say to myself. It was Friday and our little apartment was starting already to feel very warm, very quiet and very small.
Usually I enjoy the peace. Almost count down the minutes till he leaves so I can be alone, but today, I very much wanted him to stay. I wish I could tell him how I feel. Be transparent, but that is too hard. It’s hard for me to even speak the truth to myself, let alone to someone else. I’m still not quite sure why I do that. All the same maybe it better to leave some things unsaid.
I’ve never considered myself someone good at relationships. I try sometimes too hard I feel to be someone else. Or I’m just too much too early and end up running someone off. And sometime it’s them, and they do horrible or stupid things and I put the blame on myself. Only to become cold and distant and they still run off.
He seems like he’s gonna stay, I know he’ll stay. Yet to fully get my hopes up and have something happen to us, I’d never forgive myself. I always blame myself for putting myself in these positions. Having my heart broken only to again out of nowhere fall in love again with someone else.
VainBeauty Limited 